Beginner's Luck

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

G
IDW/Bayverse--ish?
SIxshot, Combaticons
warnings: crack.  

 

Sixshot never thought he’d see the day when he…missed the Terrorcons.  Yet, all it had taken was a solar cycle with the Combaticons and he was ready to commit violence.

Well, even more ready than usual. 

He and Onslaught had had that moment of visor-a-visor dominance glare, and had mutually decided that the other was simply beneath notice. Well, it was true for Sixshot, he thought. Onslaught was simply deluding himself. 

Blast Off had locked himself in his assigned recharge cube with the attitude of someone escaping a bad smell, Swindle had started trying to break into things until the Devil King’s auto defenses sent him into shocklock, and Vortex. Ah, Vortex.  Simplest solution there, Sixshot had discovered, HAD been to let him get at the high grade.  Copter had transformed and flown himself into a bulkhead. Then spent 2 cycles berating the bulkhead. Then passed out.  Sixshot admitted he was looking forward to exacerbating the misery that would be Vortex’s hangover.

But then…Brawl. Who had apparently discovered, while on some distant mudball, some distant mudball pastime called ‘chess’.  Obviously, designed by the insane.  Practically none of the pieces moved the same way. This one that looked like an animal moved three by one.  That one only moved one square.  This one could move any distance but only on a diagonal.  How did you win? By protecting the leader, who, it turned out, was the weakest and most ineffectual piece of all.

Huh. Maybe Autobots invented this game. 

“Check!” Brawl cried out, bouncing, his cannon whirring as if targeting.  “You are so checked!”  Because besting Sixshot wasn’t annoying enough: he had to be gleefully irritating about it.

Onslaught wandered over at the noise. Probably, Sixshot thought, to prevent Sixshot from doing exactly what Sixshot wanted to do, which was: rip out Brawl’s vocalizer and shove it in his exhaust port. “Not checkmate,” Onslaught muttered. “He can still get out of it.” The visor revolved to Sixshot in blatant challenge. 

Sixshot stared at the board.  The diagonal moving piece was on a line with his pathetic leader piece. He hesitated, his hand hovering over the piece.  He wasn’t much of a battlefield strategy mech: that was up to paper pushers and administrative lackeys. Like Onslaught here.  He could feel the Combaticon leader’s gaze on him like an itch. He could move his Pathetic Leader over one, but then the Stupid Animal piece could get him.  He could move it diagonally up one, but then the Fortress piece could swoop in on him.  Slag. There was an escape—that fragger Onslaught saw it—and what was it?

“Want a hint?” Onslaught said, voice drenched with pity.

“Want your cannons twisted into a pretty bow?” he snapped.

“I think that’s a ‘no’,” Brawl whispered. Vortex groaned in the corner, because, apparently, there weren’t enough distractions on Sixshot’s attention.  Slag, slag, SLAG! 

“I’m TRYING to concentrate,” Sixshot growled.  His white fingers inched closer to the Pathetic Leader piece. Stopped.  No moves there worked.  He looked around for other pieces.  Wait, yes, there! His Stupid Animal piece could block Brawl’s Diagonal Piece.  He moved it into position and sat back, feeling a burst of triumph.

Onslaught tsked.  “That…wasn’t it.”

Brawl chortled gleefully, his Diagonal Piece capturing the Stupid Animal, and hovering, one diagonal space away from Sixshot’s Pathetic Leader.  “Check…mate!” Brawl said, then looked to Onslaught for approval. Onslaught nodded. 

“Oh, Sixshot,” Onslaught said, lightly. “Might be a good time to tell you? This is Brawl’s first time playing. Guess he kind of redefines beginner’s luck, huh?”

That…was…ENOUGH!  Sixshot snatched one of his pistols, aiming it across the table at Brawl’s stupid head.  “Really? Let me show you my definition of ‘beginner’s luck’.”



Comments

[ultharkitty.livejournal.com]

*laughs far too loud for the office* Awesome :D

I almost feel sorry for Sixshot... almost.

(I really do feel sorry for Onslaught though, must be like herding kittens. Heavily armed, belligerent, violent and psychopathic kittens)

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Oh Sixshot is such a sore loser. I guess being beaten by Brawl would sting a bit.

And yeah, sometimes I really wonder about how Onslaught stays sane. I love those Combaticons!

[katsuko]

I almost feel for Sixshot. Then I remember that he's got guns and knows how to use 'em, and I almost start to feel sorry for the Combaticons. THEN I remember that they've ALSO go guns... and it's a vicious, amusing cycle.

Excellent way to start the day, I think. Thanks for sharing this!

And yet somehow, the Combaticons are probably less annoying to a degree than a certain PITA red Autobot, who would be laughing his aft off right now were he watching.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

This fic...kinda makes me want to ship Onslaught and Sixshot. o_O Wow, I will ship anyone I like with anyone else I like, won't I? Does...that make me a pimp?

Sixshot is glad that Cliffjumper is not, say, Jazz. Otherwise spy cameras recording all of this would very likely happen.

[katsuko]

It does not make you a pimp; it just means that now I'm going to (im)patiently sit around waiting to see an Onslaught/Sixshot fic from you any day. And I will read it and love it.

Sixshot can be very happy about that XD (Of course, if Jazz did decide to put up spy cameras, there's no one to say who was watching the feed... I'm horrible XD)