Reach Out and Annoy Someone

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

PG-13
Bayverse
Blackout/Barricade
pnp, really, really bad phonesex
for tf_speedwriting 
A/N.  AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL. I’ve never done the whole phonesex or cybering thing in my life. *iz ashamed*

 

 

Blackout was bored.  Long, boring shift on watch, staring at monitors.  It was fraggin’ lethal to a decent mech’s sanity. And he was really beginning to struggle staying online. 

On top of that, Blackout was really, really frisky.  Frag.  Bored, frisky, and impatient.  This must be what it feels to be Barricade. Except all the slaggin’ time. 

Barricade. Huh. Blackout felt a smile spread beneath his cheek flanges. He owed the little grounder good for the other day, anyway.  Putting thermo-nanites in his rotorblade wax. Seriously.  Not. Cool.  Get him hot and bothered?  Turnabout is fair play.

Revenge, they said, is an energon cube best served cold. Except like hot, in this case.

//Barricade.//  Heh. This was going to be fun.

//On.// A pause. //What the frag you want, copter?//

What the frag indeed.  Blackout fought to keep the laugh from his voice. //You.//

//….  What?//

//I want you, Barricade. You know.// He stifled another laugh. //That way.//

//What way? Dead?//

Okay, Barricade was not making this easy.  But, all the better.  At least Blackout was awake now.  //The other way.//

//Tortured?//  He sounded…confused.

//Gonna have to draw you a picture?//

//No way. I’ve seen your art, copter.//

Hey!  Blackout frowned.  Little fragger.  Making fun of his art.  Seriously.  //Okay, then.  Like this. I want you…uh…on the ground.//

//Hello? Groundframe? Sorta what I do. That ground stuff.// 

//I mean like…on your front. On the ground.  And I’m like…playing with your little wing things.// Hey, they were kind of cute.  Especially the way they went stiff and upright when Barricade got shocked.  Like, he hoped, right about now.

//My…whuh…are you feeling all right, Blackout?//

//Feel better if I were nibbling on those tires of yours.//

A long silence.  Then, an unsteady ventilation.  //I…uh….//

Blackout felt his grin go wider. So wide he worried it crept into his voice. //Hey, you don’t have to say anything, Barricade.  Just sorta lie there and stuff.  And I’ll just run my hand down your side. //

//Uhhh, this supposed to be turning me on or something?// More unsteady ventilation.

//Is it?//

//None of your damn business, copter!// 

Heh.  Answer right there, wasn’t it.  //Fine then.  You just lie there all NOT turned on and stuff while I bend over and lick that little spot between where your little wing thingies attach.// Actually, that was kind of hot. 

A muffled squeak. Which was even hotter.

//And I’m just gonna hang over you for a couple of kliks.  You can feel my EM field against you, and maybe my vents on your back.//

Another squeak.

Time to push more. //And you? What are you doing? Or just bein’ all, like, passive and stuff.// He smirked.

//Me? I’m…uhh…I’m going to roll over.//

//Yeah?  What then?//

//See if I can grab some rotor.// The words rushed out, fast, as if escaping some filter.  Blackout’s rotors twitched. 

//And if you get lucky?//

//And get some rotor? Uh…,// Another pause, a sound like a debate. //I want to like, you know, twist it a bit, rock it in the teeter hinge?// He sounded strangely shy. 

//So do it,// Blackout said. 

A hiss of air.  //An-and I want to play with it.  I’m…uh,…running it down between my hands, you know, like my palms and stuff flat on the blade?//

Okay, that was actually pretty damn hot. Blackout caught his engines rumbling on.  Huh. Time to escalate. //Yeah? I’m bending over you, and licking at your headlamp. Because running lights are hot.//  Well, he thought so about his. 

A groan.  //Okay.  Fine.  I’m gonna run my talons over your chassis, and trace the line of your cockpit windows.  You know, my little talons and stuff.//

Frag.  Blackout twitched.  //Oh yeah?  I’m moving down too low for that, Barricade, so I can, you know, nibble on your interface hatch.//

//Not. Fair.// Barricade groused. 

//Oh, you don’t want me to?//  Blackout smirked, regaining some equanimity.  //You gonna stop me? I’m like…how many times your size?//

//Kick you in the face if I didn’t want it,// Barricade retorted. 

//So you do want it.//

//Shut up.//  A pause. //Only, uh, don’t shut up. Just, uh, shut up about that.  You know.//  

Blackout snorted.  Seriously. Most of the time he wanted to throttle Barricade till at least two of his optics popped, but sometimes, he was just too fraggin’ cute.  //So, don’t shut up about opening your interface hatch? And, maybe, about taking out your connector cable?//

//Uhhhhh yeah.  You can keep talking about that.// The voice was thin, unsteady. //And I’m going to, uh….//

//Lie there and take it,// Blackout suggested, helpfully.  //You know, because you don’t really have a choice.//

A gulping sound. //Y-yeah.//

//Good.  Because I’m taking out my cable, and I’m going to sit back and make sure you get a real good look as I connect them.  How’s that feel?//

A squelch of static. //I…whoa. Uh.//

//That’s good, right?//

//…yeah.//

//My datastream’s slow and hard.// He waited for the obvious ‘and so are you’ crack. It didn’t come.  Heh. //You like it?//

//Frag yeah.// 

//Good, because I’m pushing it in, aiming for your firewalls, letting the pulse bounce off them, echoing around.// He paused. //And I’m biting one of your wrist tires.  Because I like how the rubber feels.//

He heard a strange sound, like ‘meep’ from over the line.  Which was good because, yeah, he was getting kind of into it.  He’d feel stupid if he was the only one. 

//I—I’m going to, uh, bite into your throat.//

Blackout purred. //I can feel your facial armor under my chin. I lift my head so you have more room and your little dentae are sharp and hard on one of my subsidiary energon lines.// Huh. Too technical?  This was harder than it looked.

//I…uh…can’t talk now since I’m like biting into you and stuff.//

Blackout burst out laughing. //Cheating! Should’ve known you’d cheat, Barricade, seriously.//

//NOT cheating.  So not cheating. Maybe I just wanna lie back and relax, you know?//

Blackout snorted. //Never pegged you for a bottom, Barricade.//

//AM NOT!  I’m just…choosing my moment. That’s all.//

Riiiiiiiight.  Fine, he wanted to play that way?  Blackout could play, too.  //Oh frag,// he said. //Look at the time.//

//What about the time?//

Blackout smirked. //I’m off shift.  Sorry.//

//No! No way! You are NOT gonna end it here!//

//Want to bet?//

//Not cool, copter. Not cool at all.// He whimpered. Wow, little grounder was really turned on.

And, yeah, so was Blackout.  He relented. //Maybe just sick of having to use my imagination.//

Barricade took the hint—it splatted against him dully like a wet rag.  //I’m, uh, I’m off shift in a deca. You know.  Just…uh, random trivia and stuff.//

Blackout grinned, revenge entirely forgotten.  //Be right there.//

 

 

 

Comments

[eerian_sadow]

oh gods, the one and only time i tried phone sex with my ex, it was exactly that awful and awkward when we started out, never got much better and then his parents walked into the room he was in. (i never did find out how that ended. aside from the obvious embarrassment.)

this was a really great read. i loved how Blackout was much more into it at first, but that they were both a little awkward about the whole thing. *thumbs up*

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

It's so funny that there's so much stuff I do know, but then things like phone sex...never tried and waaaaay too embarrassed to ever try. /weird.

I couldn't view this any other way than cracky. :P

[eerian_sadow]

oh gods, i will never try phone sex again. ever. soooooooo awkward. you've missed out on nothing. (except the comedy gold that is hearing your soon-to-be-father-in-law come into the room and say "Michael, what the hell are you doing?")

cracky worked. especially in that cute "oh gods, can i relate to that one!" way. ^_^

[wicked3659.livejournal.com]

Buahahahaha these two are adorably awkward and the phone sex was both hilarious and hawt!! I loved this very much :3

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

They're such dorks. Glad you liked! :D

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Blackout's plan did not work. At all. XDDD

[toyzintheattik.livejournal.com]

Gawd these two are so cute! *giggles at hot n'bothered 'Cade*

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

They are! I haven't written these silly mechs in forever. Glad to know they still bring the crack!

[gargoule.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

now... i can see someone using this because they "listened in" onto the conversation. dirty spying mechs. ahem.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Ah, that would be Starscream listening in on them and writing a scathing critique of their technique. :P Because he's jealous that he wasn't included.

[gargoule.livejournal.com]

Of course it would be! But of course, if he were to actually bring forth these critiques i'm sure there would be some comment tossed out about him being jealous.

poor dear. *pets* jealous little bot.

[playswithworms.livejournal.com]

*roffle* Best phone sex ever ^^ ("choosing his moment" XD)

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

By 'best' you mean 'most awkward and dorky' right? XD

[ithilgwath.livejournal.com]

*giggle-fit* This was awesome! I was grinning like a loon through the whole thing and giggling left and right. They are so awkward and cute and all hot and bothered.... I love it!

And for some reason, the thermal nanites in the rotorwax cracked me up hard. I sorta imagined it to be like Bengay or Icy-Hot--tingly and cold and hot at the same time and you can't take your mind off it because omg, tingly-cold/hot! Only on his rotors, so really sensative to boot.

mmm Frisky copter... Frisky copter is a beautiful thing. And then you add a getting-frisky Barricade at it becomes a beautifully adorable thing. :3 With some awkward hot. XD

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the thing I was trying to go for with the thermal nanites. Blackout deserves revenge. Just...this one didn't turn out so well as revenge. Maybe next time, copter!

[ithilgwath.livejournal.com]

mmm maybe next time, yeah... but still turned out as a win for him. ^____^

[linnet-melody.livejournal.com]

...//The other way.//

//Tortured?// He sounded…confused.

//Gonna have to draw you a picture?//

HEE! *can't breathe!*

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

They are just far too cute together. XD

[chibirisuchan.livejournal.com]

^__________^ *happy happy fluff-rolling* LOL @ Barricade "can't talk, mouth full, yeah!" He's not the talkiest of mechs to start with (especially not in a universe that also contains a Starscream).

So much easier to deal with that emotional stuff when you can just rowr and grope and chew and fondle, and not have to deal with all that talky communication stuff. XDDD

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

They're both so bad at it, but at least Blackout's trying!

[femme4jack.livejournal.com]

They are so dorky!!!!! OMG, this was just the best. All of the //uh//s mixed in. Yep, that is phone sex in a nutshell, right there, and hot in its dorky way. This was great!

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Having never done it, I honestly hope it normally goes a bit better than this! XDDD

[cmdrtekk.livejournal.com]

Revenge that backfired...or sweet revenge indeed? ;)

Fun little piece, nicely written. Thank you for sharing.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

...that depends on who tops? XDDD

Glad you liked!

Adorable

[ex-naggingf.livejournal.com]

XD that was so awesome. Cute, funny, and I love the awkwardness between the two (though thankfully Barricade took the hint).

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked! Barricade's pretty quick on the uptake...when it's in his best interests. XD

[aughoti (from livejournal.com)]

Cracking up here... this is adorably awkward. Blackout and Barricade are just, ah, special. In all sorts of ways.

So funny!

[anavidbookworm.livejournal.com]

I lost it in the second paragraph with Bored, frisky, and impatient. This must be what it feels to be Barricade. The rest was just as funny but cute at the same time. You do a great job of pulling those two off.