Worth a Thousand Words

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

R (for language)
Bayverse, post ROTF
Mikaela, Mikaela's dad
bad language
for tf_speedwriting

I am so fucking done with this place, Mikaela thought, dropping the last box in the back of the van.  Thanks so much, daddy, she thought sourly.  Couldn’t even help your daughter move, huh?  Yeah, well, I am out of here. On to bigger and better things. 

She…hoped.  Right now, her father’s voice still echoed in her memory from last night, hard words, hard names he’d learned in prison, calling her a whore and worse, words she didn’t ever want to even imagine her father saying, much less saying to her, about her. 

Tears stung at the corners of her eyes: outrage, shame, fear, and just plain old hurt.  And betrayal, if she were honest. 

Yeah, well, little girls do that, ya know? Love their daddies. Not a fucking crime, is it?  She scrubbed one hand over her eyes, fighting the tears.  He’s not worth it. Mom always said so, in those thin-lit midafternoons, cocking a lit cigarette, in her tatty polyester houserobe with the falling-down hem, one finger marking her place in the latest Jackie Collins.  ‘Your father ain’t worth shit,’ Mom had said.  ‘Man should provide for his family and you tell me what that man brought us except shit and disaster.’  That was Mom’s favorite phrase: ‘shit and disaster’, and it seemed to echo through those years of her father’s absence. 

Shit and disaster, Mikaela thought, turning back to the peeling-painted brick of the body shop.  Yup. Pretty damn much. 

“Shouldn’t even give a fuck what you think of me,” she muttered, staring at the dirt-streaked window of the ‘business office’. Yeah, more like where daddy sits and gets stoned.  Some business. 

She squared her shoulders, heading back into the garage for the last time, to her station. Yeah, that’s right, she thought, MY station.   And look? Middle of the day and no one here.  Nice ‘business’ managing you’re doing there, dad. 

She snatched her bag off the high hook, dropping it on the battered metal table, and yanking the zippered center compartment open, her cosmetic bag spilling out.  She gave a frustrated huff, stuffing the gold lipstick brush, three Maybelline lipsticks, and a nail file back in the plastic pouch.  You know, it’s always like this: When you’re in a hurry, shit just trips you up. 

Yeah? Not this time.  She looked up at the cork board, the ragged tiles of pink Message slips, a yellowed newspaper clipping of the day her father got released from jail, the paper brittle and thin.  Yeah pretty much like that memory, Mikaela thought.  She’d been ecstatic, she and Bee and Sam racing to the prison throwing herself in her father’s arms, the too-new golf shirt she’d bought him as his first civilian clothes in seven years scratchy against her cheek.  He was grinning in the picture, and Mikaela saw herself on his arm, and the headline read “Cleared of Charges” and it had seemed the happiest phrase she’d ever heard.  Shit and disaster, cleared of charges.  Like a balancing of phrases.

And below that, a picture of her and Sam, stiff and formal with that way everyone is in Prom pictures. She could still remember the corsage’s elastic on her wrist, the almost-too-sweet orchid scent clashing with her perfume.  But it hadn’t mattered, standing there next to Sam, crisp and handsome in the white jacket, black satin bow tie supporting his nervous Adam’s apple. She still remembered his mom, fussing around, tugging his shirt cuffs down to show the cufflinks, while his dad kept telling them to smile at the camera, not each other.  She remembered envying his family, even as Sam ducked with embarrassment, because her father had simply asked her how much the dress had cost as he reached over to pop the broken door of the truck.  As if that was all that mattered.

She took the picture down, having to pry the green thumbtack up with a screwdriver. It left a little scratch of white, a little hole, on the photograph, but that was all.  Less damage than what her father had done, last night, screaming at her that Sam didn’t want her for her, he was just ‘using you for your hot ass.’  And ‘if he cared so damn much, where’s college boy now, huh?’ And the worst of all, the bleary fake-truth, that he ‘only wanted to look out for daddy’s little girl’.  Always the gutpunch, there, what every little girl wanted to hear, that whitewashed every limitation, every restriction. It’s because daddy cares, honey. That’s why. 

“Leavin’, huh?”  Her father, with three days’ growth of beard and greasy coveralls, leaning in the doorway.  She hadn’t noticed till now how grey his whiskers had gotten.

“Looks like it, yeah.”  She tossed her head, long dark locks sliding over bare shoulders. 

“Gonna regret it, ya know.”

“Yeah, don’t think so, dad.”  Not at all.  She’d done her work: had an apartment all set up, a new job. Not much, at an Auto Depot up the road being a counter girl, but it was something.  And something was better than the nothing that was here.

“Think you know everything at that age,” he said, a hand rasping through his beard. 

“I know I don’t want to be here,” she said.  I know my daddy isn’t here anymore. I don’t know, though, if he was ever real, or just some fantasy I made up.  She looked down at the picture in her hands, then pressed it flat inside her day planner.

Her father was looking at the blank space where the photograph had been—a patch of corkboard less bleached than the rest.  “Just like your mother, you know that, Missy Mik?”

“Don’t even fucking call me that.” She zipped her purse up, swiftly, almost angrily, slinging it over a shoulder as she tossed her hair out of the way.  “And you know what? Rather be like her than you.” Mikaela spun on her heel, the rubber sole of her espadrille squeaking on the oil-stained concrete, slamming the door to the van as she walked by.

Her father stood, motionless, until the engine roared up, and the van raced out of the back lot.  “Yeah. Just like your mother,” he said, in the silent space, to the yellow dust filtering down in the sunlight. “Too good for the man she loved.”

Comments

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :D

[ravynfyre.livejournal.com]

can't help but cheer for Mikaela here. You made me like her again. Damn you.

such an emotive piece. That's your trademark: emotion and imagery. Very excellent.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

It's a weird dynamic and in the movies, her father's never really a personality. He's like a maguffin in the first, and honestly did we even SEE him in the second?

[toyzintheattik.livejournal.com]

God this was good! All those little details make it so real. My heart really goes out for Mik, and a little bit for her father too.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

It's weird because I have such a FOAMING WALL OF HATE for what canon did to Mikaela after the first movie, but lol, I think I was thinking of the fact that in my Advanced Expository when we do an exercise about writing about a photograph, half my students bring in their prom pictures. You hear enough stories that turn the most Boring Picture In the World into something human and I guess it rubs off. :)

[gunmaxual.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Whoa, that was a powerful piece. Mikaela came off with all the arrogance of youth, but snapping with righteous fury too. Good balance, loved your word use, and her father's ending line was great.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

I remember being that young and headstrong. In a way it makes you brave, but in a way, anyone around you can see you might be heading into trouble. I didn't want her father to be, you know, a complete dick. I'm glad that part of that came through.

[eerian_sadow]

gods, this was brilliant! her words, her actions, your descriptions! they all wove together so beautifully and made a scene that was really powerful and emotive. loved it.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

No idea where it came from and probably utter butchery of her character, but then again, I really don't like what canon DID to her character. She was so awesome in the first movie and just kept getting...less awesome. But you have to wonder what her father thinks of what she's become in his absence.

[femme4jack.livejournal.com]

So much ache in this, and it feels just right. I always felt that the "daddy" she was yearning to see was an invention, in a way, to cover for the real person that would not be very pleasant to be around.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

I imagine so. :) All kids want to think their parents are amazing. It's one of those shocks of growing up to realize that they are honestly just...human.

[sp4z01d.livejournal.com]

Feel better now?

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

....?

[sp4z01d.livejournal.com]

So much emotion(primarily spite), jammed into such a short piece.. must've been a relief to get this out of your system. Like venting, almost.

Nevertheless, I liked this. Her problems are very real, and easy to relate to. It may have justified in some sense the split between Sam and Mik, that she was having other things going on in her life. Perhaps I'm over analyzing?

I honestly wasn't a big fan of her in either movie; she was just a piece of eye candy to me but hey.. that's Michael Bay for you. After this, she DID grow on me a bit, though..

[ultharkitty.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done, and the ending works beautifully. It's sad that Mikaela's dad's moment of self-awareness at the end doesn't stop him from alienating the people who tried to love him. As for Mikaela, good for her. I really like her in this (I do like her generally, but I especially like her when she's determined, looking out for herself, and prepared to make the hard decisions for her own wellbeing, as here).

[kamiraptor.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed this one. :)

I'm sure I'm just rehashing comments other people have left, but the emotion in Mikaela is so strong, and considering her apparently-strong attachment to her dad in the first movie, it's easy to imagine the blow-up that must have happened here.

I have issues with Mikaela, even in the first movie. Her personality before the Barricade/Frenzy attack... is she really like that? Is she putting on a front? Something else? I can't stand her early in the movie.

But then she gets better. Strong, empowered, etc... And she becomes awesome.

You've definitely caught her awesome side. Thank you for that. :)

[silaphet.livejournal.com]

this vignette is so relatably realistic and painfully human it makes me want to hide. i can't resist the potent emotions you provoke with the complexity, depth, & tension in Mikaela & her father's relationship. An unresolved finale that is perfect just the way it is.