Sky and Ground 32 In/Violate
Apr. 7th, 2010 06:15 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
niyazi-a.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
shadow_vectorBayverse AU
Skywarp/Barricade
Warning: disturbing material that is hard to categorize.
Barricade stormed out of Starscream’s recharge. They weren’t helping. Thundercracker refused to admit to any concern and Starscream was…no help. Skywarp had gone flying. He had to come back. And Barricade would wait for him. Get him even before his precious Trine. Just…get answers. He didn’t even care about the spark cover chamber any more. No, he did; it had simply receded in importance.
He waited by the main flight hangar, the one where he’d given the spark chamber cover to Skywarp. The place was blank, sterile, utilitarian—as was everything on the Nemesis—but to him it was fraught with memories. He could still feel the trembling half-fear as he attached his spark cover’s magnets to Skywarp. Before things went wrong.
No, they weren’t wrong. They just…needed to get straightened out. And he knew, as much as he knew anything, that this could bring them closer. Skywarp had hated opening up to him, but…his worry had been for nothing. Barricade had shown that then, and would show it again. And again. And again. Until Skywarp finally got it.
His spark surged at the thin sound—dissipated by the vacuum of space—of an approach. Even more when Skywarp landed on the cold hangar, his black plates frosted from the cold, save where his thrusters had cast long warm lines.
Skywarp stood, for a long moment, looking lost.
Now or never, Barricade told himself. He stepped forward. “You’re cold.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re cold,” Barricade repeated. “We can warm you up.” He remembered that one time, being crushed against Skywarp’s chilled armor, the contrast between his heat and Skywarp’s coldness impossibly intense.
“I said I’m fine.” Skywarp’s voice was tense. His posture tight, also. Barricade was troubled by his distance.
“Tell me how I can help?” he asked, meekly.
“You can’t,” Skywarp said, and the distance in his voice crackled. “Nothing can help. Nothing can fix anything.” He refused to meet Barricade’s optics.
Barricade was torn between his urge—his need—to get some resolution, and backing down from the hard light in Skywarp’s optics. “Didn’t mean to make it worse,” he mumbled. What was he even thinking? Coming here like a confrontation, like he could force Skywarp to anything. All he wanted was Skywarp to be happy. All he wanted for himself was not to see that look of taut pain on the black face.
“You didn’t make it worse,” Skywarp said. He tried to push past Barricade, stopped. Teetering on indecision. “Sorry to worry you,” he added, his tone rough, ungracious.
Barricade wouldn’t lie. Couldn’t. “Just want you to be happy,” he said. Naked honesty. “Thought I could help.”
“You can’t.” Flat denial.
Barricade felt a twinge of fear, a sharp lance of pain. Distance. Coming between them. Something. He couldn’t name it, but it was terrifying to him. He was trying and he was still losing Skywarp. He didn’t know what to do. He did the only thing that had worked in the past: he flung his arms around Skywarp’s waist, burying his face in the larger mech’s chest armor. He felt the arms tighten around him, almost as a reflex, pressing his shoulder against the swell of the cockpit, before the hands shifted, tugging at him, pushing him away.
“I can’t,” Skywarp said.
“Wasn’t asking anything of you.” Just…wanting to be held. And to try to communicate how I feel. Without failing.
“You were!” Skywarp snapped. “Always.” He felt the smaller mech’s devotion like an oppression.
Barricade stiffened, stunned. “Didn’t—didn’t mean to.” His cooling fan kicked on abruptly.
“You did mean to. Look at you: lurking around for me to get back. Like you didn’t trust me.”
Barricade hadn’t thought of it like that. He blinked, stupidly. “I-I trust you,” he said, humbly. “Just wanted to talk to you.”
“I,” Skywarp snarled, “do not feel like talking.”
Barricade retreated a step. “Can—can we go recharge together?” He was clutching desperately for some normalcy, some way to bring this back on track. Some way to rewind to where he could start over. His chassis and arms were still cold from contact with Skywarp’s frigid armor, as if the cold were eating its way to his core.
“You do not want me to recharge with you.”
What? Where was he getting this? Barricade’s optics were frantic. “No! I do! Please. I want you.”
“You do not want me,” Skywarp said, his voice a strange mix of anger and sorrow. He pushed Barricade out of his way, wincing as the smaller mech tumbled to the floor. At the same time, though, he felt the dark surge within him at the sudden fear on Barricade’s face. Yes, he thought. Uncontrolled. That’s the problem. I can’t stop myself. I can’t control myself. I can’t stop…this.
He lunged down over the smaller mech, slapping one of his palms over Barricade’s shoulder. “You wanted me, right? Wanted me to spike you?” His voice sounded like a stranger’s voice. Hollow, angry, echoing the nothingness inside him. “Right?”
He took a hateful satisfaction in Barricade’s stuttered ‘yes’, a vicious enjoyment in the confusion and fear warring on his face. His long hands tore open the interface panel, his other thumb reaching to release his own. He paused, his spike hovering in the mouth of Barricade’s valve, hating the hot rush of lubricant from his spike, the angry urgency goading him to do it. He waited for Barricade to refuse him. To say no. To resist.
Nothing. Barricade’s face was a mask of fear, but he didn’t shift a servo to protect himself.
Skywarp snarled, and plunged his spike in the valve. Only the second time he had ever done this to Barricade, the first a moment that had stretched his abilities at control to their breaking point.
He did not have that now.
He drove into Barricade’s valve, his optics hard and glittering. Barricade bit down on a cry of pain, the Seeker’s spike pushing into him with sudden force. Barricade forced himself still, his hands reaching to the sides, to where Skywarp normally pinned them. Giving in. Allowing. For some reason the gesture infuriated Skywarp even more. “No,” he snarled. “This is not like that.” He jerked his hips back, deftly flipping the smaller mech onto his belly, hauling the hips back to him, pushing himself forward and low, and reseating his spike in Barricade’s valve. He twisted one of Barricade’s arms back behind him. He didn’t want Barricade to look at him, see him like this. He had this much shame. This much honesty. “Is this what you want from me?”
“Want you to be happy,” Barricade’s voice was muffled against the floor. He would give anything to make Skywarp happy. Pain? His body? Anything. Skywarp said Barricade was his, and Barricade held that with a faith that was absolute.
“Do I seem happy?” Skywarp twisted Barricade’s arm until the smaller mech yelped. He jerked the hips back against him, shoving mercilessly against the thin armor of Barricade’s body, watching with a curl of something like contempt as the skirting armor bent or dented or scratched under his assault.
He overloaded, sudden, hard, almost a surprise to himself, as if his rage had turned to lust, and torn through his body and into Barricade’s. He felt Barricade shudder, violently, under him, around him, taking his overload and all the fury and hurt pride it had with it. “You only loved me because you thought I’d never do this to you,” he said, his voice between hate and despair. “Now I have. Hate me.” Please, he pleaded, inwardly.
“No,” Barricade said. “Yours. Anything. Everything.” He twisted on the ground, trying to turn to face Skywarp. Skywarp released his grip on Barricade’s arm, and the grounder rolled over, wincing as his valve released the spike. He reached to embrace Skywarp.
“Anything,” Skywarp snarled. “Anything. I’ll make you hate me, Barricade.” For your own good. For my own good. Go. Leave me to my darkness. If this is how I can force you away, I will. I can endure your hatred and fear more than your devotion. I was afraid to hurt you, afraid to die because I feared I would ruin something beautiful. I was right to fear it. Right to fear myself.
I should have died. Should have let the cold of space take me, become random frozen debris, never found. I should have died before I did this. I thought I would die before I went…this…low.
He pinned Barricade down with his hands, looming over him. Part of him ached to lean in and kiss him, nuzzle against the yielding mouth. Travesty. He resisted, mouth twitching as he activated his chest armor’s retraction. Barricade stared at Skywarp’s shifting armor, his mouth opening, in a sense of awe and anticipation. “Hate me,” he whispered, almost pleading.
He dropped forward, his chest armor thunking against Barricade’s, so that the pull of his exposed spark forced a sympathetic retraction in Barricade’s own armor. It was an old and awful trick, one that he had learned…how many years ago? He felt the spark expose itself under his, felt a light flare against him, warm and soft and yielding. No resistance. No firewalls. Nothing but an ocean of acceptance reaching up him, a flood tempting him to drown.
He pulled back, suddenly, his rage turning to fear, a dread horror of letting Barricade finally in. Finally seeing, knowing, feeling everything. He saw the light burgeoning under him, gold. It was gold, he thought, with a feeble sense of triumph. It was gold and it was beautiful and it was calling to him, inviting him, promising things he could not put into words, filling him with unfamiliar sensations, tremors of delicate emotion too fragile to endure being named. And Barricade’s optics, above it, were glowing reflections of its power.
“I’m a monster,” Skywarp whispered, trying to pull away, pull his too close spark from Barricade’s.
“You’re Skywarp,” Barricade said, his talons latching into the chassis armor. Skywarp somehow took his meaning from the clumsy words, as if the sparks flaring between them communicated so much more clearly. He was…more than that. More than his darkness. He didn’t believe it, but it seemed sufficient that Barricade did.
And Barricade lay open beneath him, vulnerable, submitting. This was different from Starscream’s submission, though. There was no pain, no humiliation, no abjection. Almost, instead, a quiet pride and dignity in Barricade’s openness. A show of strength and courage instead of Starscream’s exposure of his weakness. Skywarp felt a surge of love that he felt answered in his own spark. And his rage and fear and confusion and pain…were…gone.
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Date: 2010-04-07 10:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 08:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 11:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 08:25 pm (UTC)...okay imagining all four of them in a great big content smutpile is helping. Thank you. ♥
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Date: 2010-04-07 09:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 11:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 09:10 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed!
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Date: 2010-04-07 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 08:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 03:27 pm (UTC)This was very intense, and you wrote it very, very well. THEY NEEDED THIS!!!
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Date: 2010-04-07 09:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 03:43 pm (UTC)This was wonderful, especially the last part. So much in so few words, beutifully done.
And your beginning? That there will be more, hurray!
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Date: 2010-04-07 09:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 04:17 pm (UTC)So. Incredibly. Superb.
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Date: 2010-04-07 09:08 pm (UTC)Thank you for reading!
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Date: 2010-04-07 06:15 pm (UTC)By all the weird coincidences, this happened to be the song on my playlist while I was reading this latest chapter, and it so totally fit that I felt the need to break anonymity to share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPHgN31qEZY&feature=related
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Date: 2010-04-07 08:20 pm (UTC)Thank you for sharing--that song was absolutely lovely and I can definitely see how beautifully it fits. Esp the chorus. *wibble*
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Date: 2010-04-07 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-07 10:56 pm (UTC)Was terrifically written *nods* and I may have felt like crying just a wee little bit... the poor broken depressed mechs *sniffs*
But ending still makes me d'awwww because for all the angst I'm sure will ensue from this... I think some part of Cade realized Warpy did need all this. Gotta love him *cuddles*
*sighs* TC probably Does.Not.Approve. of it either... *winces* Should be nice and painful to watch XDDD (And what's this I hear about Megatron and tentacles? *perks up* That sounds like an idea to me! ^__~)
So awesome XD
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Date: 2010-04-08 03:36 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing.
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Date: 2010-04-08 07:37 pm (UTC)*applauds*
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Date: 2010-12-01 06:27 am (UTC)