Sky and Ground 37 Threat
May. 5th, 2010 06:48 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
niyazi-a.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
shadow_vectorBayverse
Barricade, Starscream
Mentions of abuse
Title's kind of sucky. Trying to actually be all hopeful and uplifting at the end. .... yeah, right? ^__^
Barricade ended up in his work cube. He’d have to be there sooner or later at any rate, he figured, and…he wanted desperately to be alone some place where he could secure code the door. He couldn’t stop shaking—he was surprised he could recode the door on the first try. He just wanted to sit. To be safe. He hunched in his chair, plugging in his online recharge. He called up his duty assignments for the upcoming shift listlessly. To give him something to do, something to think about other than…everything.
Soundwave…if only Soundwave had simply raped him. Halfway numb from Skywarp, he wouldn’t have felt it at all. But instead, he had done…something even worse, deploying his tentacle probes along Barricade’s frame, prying into systems—his cortex, his memories. Like a pleasureless, one-sided spark link. Being taken, stripped, robbed of every decency, every privacy. In the sparking, Barricade could have held back, could have resisted. In what Soundwave had done to him…he had no choice. Paralyzed, even; his motor control shut down.
Soundwave’s laughter echoed still in his processor, reveling in the information he had snatched from Barricade’s paralyzed processor. “Yes,” Soundwave had murmured. “And won’t Megatron find this interesting when he returns….”
And he was gone. That simply, leaving Barricade broken, shattered, on the floor.
And now Barricade was here, inside the only safety he could find, thumbing through his duty roster, having to struggle to make the symbols read to his optics. Was this an aftereffect of the tentacles?
His elbow was gunky from the injury to his side—Skywarp’s injury. Unintentional. He forgave that. Forgave Skywarp…everything. He just didn’t know how he’d ever face him again. Didn’t know how he’d do…anything again. The walk back to his recharge seemed insurmountable. And the wreckage he knew he’d have to face…he could barely summon the image, much less cope with the reality.
Barricade spent his entire duty shift in his work cube, even his refuel break. He didn’t care. His online recharge could keep him going. Or not. He just couldn’t stir the energy to get out of the chair, to move, to feel anything, even hunger. Just…leaden emptiness.
A cycle after his shift ended, his door coded open. But…but I’d secured that, he thought, dimly. He’d shut down his monitors at the end of shift, staring at the blank screen, trying to project some scenario onto the darkness that would fix things. Fix…him. He turned his head—even that seemed like a supreme effort. Starscream. Oh, his processor thought, dully, Starscream would still have the master overrides.
***
The bronze jet took in Barricade’s hunched, drooping posture, the pink, gummy trail of energon dripping down the chair, spreading onto the floor in a sticky puddle, and stopped. He had promised Skywarp he would find Barricade, understanding implicitly, silently, lovingly, why Skywarp couldn’t do it himself, didn’t trust himself. Knew how much it took out of Skywarp to even ask. Always, Skywarp. Always. Skywarp needed to be happy. The Trine needed to work together. He had of course agreed.
And now he paused, ramming an emergent request to Repair Bay Beta—the nearest one—before moving forward. The datapad he’d held—a thin ruse at best—he lay on the console. “Barricade,” he said, softly. “I have summoned repair bots.”
“Don’t need ‘em,” Barricade muttered.
“I regret that I must override your…non-professional opinion. “ He stepped in closer, dropping to one knee. “Shall I summon Skywarp as well?”
“No,” Barricade said, quickly, more quickly than he’d thought or spoken or processed anything today. Hastily, he added, “Just not…ready for that.”
“Barricade. You do not need to explain yourself to me.” Starscream’s optics caught the scrapes of purple and black paint on the grounder’s grille. He traced them idly with one thumb. “He forced you, yes?”
“Didn’t force me,” Barricade replied.
A soft smile. “Yes. I understand.” Starscream remembered his own first time Skywarp had forced him, the awful pain, the struggle and then the complete bliss of surrender. “And you felt him.” A question.
“Yes.”
“Then you know how he feels about it, and you.” Barricade would know those things the same as Starscream did—feel at a level beyond truth or lies Skywarp’s aching love, his hatred and fear of what drove him to do it, his terror of rejection, his fear of opening up. “So,” Starscream added, “that is not why you are upset.” He was aware how ridiculous it would sound to anyone who had not gone through it. Felt Skywarp’s struggle with himself. Felt the tremulous love at the bottom of it all, a pure spring feeding something…warped.
“Not that,” Barricade agreed. “Love him.”
Starscream stroked one of the limp arms, soothingly. “Yes. I know.” He waited. To see if Barricade would open to him. To see what his pure spring fed.
“Numb,” Barricade said, quietly. “Feel numb and I can’t help it. Can’t stop it. And…afraid I’ll never feel again.” He could barely form the words. Starscream recognized the fear—that something more than dignity had been lost, something more than pain had been given. That he was forever to be…half dead, an unfeeling creature, unable to access his own emotions, his own sensation. That he had given up, given over, the very essence of what it meant to be alive…for the sake of staying sane.
“Ohhhhh,” Starscream reached under Barricade’s arms and lifted him off the chair, tugging the online recharge plug out carefully, laying Barricade gently on the floor. The wound in his side looked worse than it had first appeared, still dripping energon sluggishly. “Barricade,” he murmured, “I have been there, yes. And you will feel again. I promise you.” He ran gentle hands over the injured side, probing for injury. “Part of your issue right now is that you are energon depleted,” he said, briskly, half a lie, but one he knew Barricade needed to cling to, to clutch some dignity over his naked helplessness. “You shall improve when the repairbots arrive.” He felt Barricade shudder away from his touch.
“Sorry,” the smaller mech said, miserably.
“Unnecessary, still,” Starscream said, a hint of teasing in his tone. “You will feel again. It comes back. And Skywarp can be very gentle. Especially after he fears he has…overdone.”
Barricade’s optics glossed. “Afraid of…bad memories.”
Ah. A not unreasonable fear, Starscream thought. “If you like, I shall be your first.” He knew what he was offering and why: that he would be Barricade’s first interface, able to go as slowly as the smaller mech needed, able to stop entirely, able to understand without guilt. The last thing Barricade would want, he knew, would be to have to worry about Skywarp’s reactions as well as his own. Starscream had no feelings to hurt. Not in this.
“N-not ready.” One of Barricade’s hands clutched at his shoulder.
“Of course not. I should not trust any decision you could make in your condition. But I do make the offer.”
Barricade’s mouth worked. “Thanks,” he managed. Starscream knew what he was feeling, knew with a pang of embarrassment how he must now look to the smaller mech: Air Commander? Weakling. Victim. Starscream hated to be thought of that way. Hated to be unable to cover it up, mask it with arrogance. Some things, very few, however, overrode his compunctions, his self-interest. Such as the Trine.
The repair bots arrived, scrambling over the upper frame of the door, an emergency energon ration and a mass of tools stuck to the back of one as they clambered in from the ceiling and down the walls. The three bots swarmed over Barricade, clicking excitedly. Starscream noticed that they had brought Seeker grade energon. Probably because Starscream had called in the request. Well…Barricade might need that distraction of a little overcharge. It would not hurt.
“Have better things to do than slag around with me,” Barricade muttered, wincing as the repairbots got to work, one setting the energon above his intake on a steady drip.
“Do I? I was unaware you could access my duty roster, Barricade,” the jet said, wryly.
“Don’t know why you care.” The mouth set, halfway between a pout and pugnacious.
“I care about my Trine, Barricade. By extension, you.” So very simple. On one level.
“Thundercracker hates me.”
“You threaten him, his security.” The repair bots chittered, wriggling around the wound, one scampering away with a damaged length of energon hose while the other worked to patch the line with a new length.
“He treats you…awfully.” A slightly bitter quirk to Starscream’s mouth—a blow just a little too close to an unhealed wound.
“Perhaps I deserve it,” he managed. “You do not know our history.”
“Know enough.”
“What matters is that you are Skywarp’s.” He saw Barricade soften at the phrasing, recognizing another similarity. They had both given themselves over, utterly, to something larger than themselves. Starscream, to his Trine. Barricade, to Skywarp. Starscream could not but respect that. Understand that. Honor that. It was one of the few things Starscream would not dishonor.
Barricade reached one hand up—Starscream took it in his own, larger talons, silver among bronze. “Now,” Starscream prodded, gently. “The real disruption.”
Barricade’s talons clutched. “Soundwave.”
“He did not—“ Starscream looked half horrified, half enraged.
Barricade shook his head. As if denying what had happened made it go away. “Probed. He knows. He’ll use it against Skywarp. Against all of you.” Knows about Skywarp. Knows that the Trine is on the verge of collapse. Barricade cringed, expecting to see rejection, distance, hate in Starscream’s optics. He had betrayed their secrets. Unknowingly and unable to stop and very, very much against his will, but he had done it nonetheless.
What he was dreading didn’t materialize. Instead, Starscream shifted back on his knees, almost…amused. “Let him think so, shall we?” To Barricade’s confusion, he said, “It is not the first time, Barricade, that we have had weapons aimed at the Trine. And we would not have survived this long had we not learned, long ago, to turn the weapons against their wielders.” He squeezed Barricade’s hand, feeling the wrist tire give. “In fact, you may just have handed us what we need.” An enemy against which to unite. He hated that it had come at such a price. He could feel Barricade’s silent plea—that he explain this to Skywarp, save him from the worst humiliation, his worst fears. Yes. He would do that as well. Soundwave’s violation of Barricade might even soften Thundercracker’s dislike.
Barricade shook his head. “Worse. He said that Megatron was coming back, too.”
Something unreadable raced across Starscream’s facial plating. “Indeed.” He raised Barricade’s hand to his mouth, nipping the talons gently, almost playfully. “Barricade, as you have…seen,” a hint of embarrassment, “The Trine is my only strength. I have no other. The Trine stands or falls together. And I…I shall stand or fall with it.” He rubbed the back of Barricade’s hand against his cheek, slowly accustoming the smaller mech to sensation. Already beginning his retraining. Already getting him used to being touched. He was sick of retreating. Sick of giving in, surrendering, yielding. He was sick with fear, and sick OF fear. He paused. “Stand with me, and we can save us all.”
No hesitation, no questioning. He could feel the hope surge from the smaller mech, one that boosted his assurance. There was no certain victory, but Starscream was sick unto death of yielding. He would fight, and die fighting, if necessary, for his Trine. And he knew without asking, Barricade would, too. They were the weakest of the four of them, the most damaged. But suddenly, they felt a common strength, that fed upon each other’s, eagerly. “Yes.”
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Date: 2010-05-05 11:18 am (UTC)I love Starscream already working at reconditioning Barricade to accept touch - Starscream has so many more things going on here than I expected! It's very nice to see him plotting. :3
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Date: 2010-05-06 01:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 01:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 12:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-06 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-05 02:56 pm (UTC)*Grins* Wonderfully done, I honestly feel a bit happier now, knowing the boys might make it out of there in more or less one piece.
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Date: 2010-05-06 01:06 am (UTC)(PS: I see you Beast Wars people recruiting more of you for the comm! *applause*!)
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Date: 2010-05-06 01:35 am (UTC)(What can I say? Nok and Inferno miss Megatron.)
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Date: 2010-05-05 03:32 pm (UTC)And now Megatron is coming back. That is going to be awesome. ;) Excellent chapter, as always!
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Date: 2010-05-06 01:07 am (UTC)Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2010-05-05 05:11 pm (UTC)I expect some heavy loving for Barricade later. This is deliciously frustrating you wonderful thing you >
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Date: 2010-05-06 01:08 am (UTC)(When the semester's over I owe you a rules fic!!! I haven't forgotten I'm just...*glub*)
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Date: 2010-05-06 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-12-01 10:12 am (UTC)