Gifts!

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

PG
Bayverse
Barricade, Blackout, mentions of OC humans
no warnings beyond, well, OC humans. 

For those who have followed the whole xeno silliness for a while now, you know that Blackout has a lady-friend as well, named Rachel.  I don't write the Rachel bits--a friend of mine who is very shy and chooses to be anonymous, does.  But she's feeling kind of blue lately, so I wrote this bit o' crack to cheer her up. I hope.  Dear LJ friend: Please feel better. :C  I wish I could do more than write you a silly fic to make you feel better.

“Hey, uh, Barricade?”

Barricade looked up, already aggrieved.  He could just tell this was going to be yet another of the Copter’s Clueless Questions.  “What?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Barricade let his lower optics roll. Seriously? Why we gotta go through this whole ritual every time the slaggin’ copter wants to get some information? “No.”

Blackout blinked. “Uh, what?”

“I said no. You can’t ask me a slaggin’ question.” 

“But, uh…why?”

“THAT is a question! Which I just told you you can’t ask me!”

Blackout twitched back, optics dimming with confusion and hurt. “Uh…can I at least apologize?”

“QUESTION!”

“I, uh…, frag. I’m…seriously sorry, Barricade.” 

Part of Barricade (the jerk part) wanted to keep this going indefinitely, but the other part, (the ‘what the hell is this goody goody fragging glitch’ part), felt a real pang at the copter’s expression. He relented.  Well, compromised. “Fine. What would your theoretical question have been?”

“Well, I….” Blackout faltered. “I mean it’s like…,” he hesitated again. Frag this was going to take all day. Serves you right, Barricade, for messing with the copter’s mind like that. 

“Is it about your squishy?” Not exactly the Guess of the Megacycle.  The copter had been ‘Rachel’ this and ‘Rachel’ that for the last decacycles.  ‘Rachel thinks I’m hot.’ Yeah? Guess what, copter? Barricade thinks you’re hot, too, but you don’t go around mooning over that, now, do you?

Whoa, Barricade, jealous much?  Fraggin’ copter.  Should never have set him up with her in the first place.

Blackout nodded. Fine. First obstacle passed. “Okay. What about Rachel?”

“I, uhhh, want to, you know, get her something.”

Barricade couldn’t resist. “You mean, besides laid?”

Blackout blinked, his optics spiraling in, rotors slicking in embarrassment. “Well…uhh....”

Oh we’d be here all solar if I make him spit the whole thing out. “Fine. Why you want to get her something?”

“You know.  Because.  So she has something of mine that she can like…have when I’m not there.”

“Have?”

“Yeah. You know. So she can like…think about me and stuff.”

“You can think about someone just fine without stuff,” Barricade countered. Slag. He’d never given June anything.  Was the copter…onto something? 

“Yeah, I know, but…well. Don’t have much to give, really.”

“Could give her one of your spare rotor assemblies.” Frag, Barricade would pay good money to get one of those in his talons.  All that complex machinery? Rowrf. 

Blackout tilted his head, thinking. “Yeah, but…Rachel’s kind of small. Not sure she could like…lift it.” 

Yeah, that WAS an image, wasn’t it?  The skinny librarian toting around a rotor assembly almost as large as she was.  “Frag. Fine.”  Barricade tapped his hands together, thinking.  What the slag could you get a squishy. That they like…actually had?  “Could give her a repairbot.”

“What the slag would she do with one of those?”

“Hey, you never said it had to be…useful.”  Frag.  Maybe this was why he hadn’t given June anything. He SUCKED.  “Let’s see. Human females seem to like all sorts of stuff.” He toggled his console to do a quick scan of Earth television. “Flowers?”

“Don’t last long enough.” 

“Candy?”

“What if she thinks I’m trying to make her gain weight? And that doesn’t last long either.”

Frag! Copter was NOT helping.  He keyed his list again. “Fruit bouquet? No, that’s kind of stupid. Shoes? No. Apparently their sizing system is…fraggin’ stupid.”  Barricade was making notes.  All this stuff? Sucked.  June deserved better. “Okay. Jewelry. Apparently a classic.”

“Jewelry?”

“Yeah, you know, metals and minerals.” 

“What’s it for?”

Barricade shrugged, scrolling through a display.  Maybe some of this, June might like.  “I don’t know.  Make ‘em feel pretty, and stuff.”

“I think she’s pretty enough already,” Blackout said, quietly.

Barricade seethed so loud his cooling fans kicked on. “Copter,” he hissed. “I am TRYING to help you. Jewelry is slaggin’ perfect. It doesn’t get eaten or die, it doesn’t come in weird sizes, it doesn’t imply anything about her fraggin’ size…. And she can have it on her a lot. So she can think about you. A lot.”  He glared. “You are getting her some slaggin’ jewelry and that’s it.” 

Blackout actually looked kind of relieved. He moved over, bending to see Barricade’s monitor screen. He highlighted one—a silver chain with a garnet pendant.  “I like that one,” he said.  “Kinda looks like my optics.”

“You can’t GET that one,” Barricade snapped. “I’m getting that for June.”

 



 

Comments

[femme4jack.livejournal.com]

bwahahahahahah! They are such geeks and I love them.

The copter had been ‘Rachel’ this and ‘Rachel’ that for the last decacycles. ‘Rachel thinks I’m hot.’ Yeah? Guess what, copter? Barricade thinks you’re hot, too, but you don’t go around mooning over that, now, do you?,

ROFLMAO!!!

“Could give her one of your spare rotor assemblies.” Frag, Barricade would pay good money to get one of those in his talons. All that complex machinery? Rowrf.

crying I'm laughing so hard.

And it so doesn't help that Rachel is my RL name. OMG you made my day...even if it wasn't for me.

[chai16.livejournal.com]

The end was positively adorable and reminded me how very fun your Barricade is.

[tmnt-tech-geek.livejournal.com]

I love your Xeno stuff and this is both hilarious and adorable. I also just love the way you write Barricade.

I hope this fic makes your friend feel better.

link-is-fail?

[scarredbutalive.livejournal.com]

Um... I hit the link to hostile accomodations and ended up here on Gifts?! Why? Linky-is-broky?

[ithilgwath.livejournal.com]

“You can’t GET that one,” Barricade snapped. “I’m getting that for June.”

heeeehehehhehehehhehe that was awesome. Hey ya know they could all three of them get the same necklace for their xenos... it would be like.. the secret badge of xenophilia or something. *snicker* Then they could see each other wearing them.. and realize.. and they'd suddenly have things to bond and gossip over while their mechs are away doing their thing.

Blackout is adorable. (And Barricade is too, though he doesn't want to admit it.)