Fic; Special Guest Doesn't Feel So Special.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Xeno, sticky pnp,
NC-17



June tapped at his passenger rear door. Barricade popped it open. “What?” he asked. Normally, after a day of work, she climbed in the front. This was…unusual. And Barricade didn’t like unusual.

“Sorry,” she said, tossing her bag on the rear floor, and then herself across his backseat. “Just…need to lie down.”

“You…okay?” he asked. June flopped onto her belly, burying her face in his backseat. He started rolling forward, gently. Last thing he needed was to have to slam on his brakes and throw June against his front seat backs. 

“Yeah, just…rough day. Just want some friendly physical contact.”

His hologram smirked. “I got your friendly physical contact.” He could feel her smile against him, but she didn’t raise her head. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“Not really. Just pathetic and irritating stuff I can’t seem to get away from.” She propped herself up on her elbows, pulling at her red curls. Barricade did not mind this at all, as it pressed her deliciously squishy bosom harder against him. “Kid made it a big standoff in the middle of class about his cell phone.” 

“What’s his name?”

“Ed—wait, why do you want to know?”

“Oh, no reason. Just making conversation. You know. Curiosity.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Fine. Could pay him a little visit.”

“No.” Her tone was warning.

“Just…thought he belonged on a Suspicious Persons watchlist. Maybe a child sex offender registry.” 

She pushed herself to a seated position. At least, he thought, she was smiling again. “Hmmm, tempting, but no.”

“You’re just jealous,” Barricade teased. “I’m a way better bad guy than you are,” he said, smugly. “I’ve got evil down.”

“How do you pull that off?”

‘Don’t care what anyone thinks.”

“That’s sociopathy.”

“Yeah, probably. If I condescended to be labeled.  But I transcend your pitiful labels.”

“Well, you’re in a cheeky mood.”

“What? Happy to see you. Be even happier to get you home and out of those ridiculous things you call clothes.”

“Is that all I’m good for?”

Barricade slammed on the brakes. “No. Not at all, June.” He thought uneasily of the last time and her argument with him. No. He couldn’t. “Don’t know how else to show it.” Meekly, he added, “Are you…bored with it?”

“Are you…worried?”

“No! Don’t be ridiculous.” He started rolling again, across the road that cut through campus. “Just, well, it’s a good investment to keep one’s xeno happy.”

“Is it now?” June ran her hands over his back seat. “And how about keeping the freaky alien robot happy? Also a good investment?”

“Yes,” he purred. “The freaky alien robot who can slap anyone you don’t like on a terrorist watchlist so fast the data Doppler shifts is a good thing to keep happy.”

“So…how do I do that?”   June lay back down across his seat, but this time rubbing herself against him. He felt his engine rev. 

“Ummmm, June? Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?” she asked, coyly. Her skirt slipped up, her bare thigh rubbing against the lip of his seat. He shuddered. Frag, but she could get him hot faster than he thought possible.

“I’m driving,” he squeaked. “Pedestrians.” Oh Primus right now he wanted to be back in her garage, his cool talons pressing her hot, soft flesh; his module throbbing in her port. His module pinged him that it was up for that. Yeah, thanks. It was really hard to concentrate on not plowing over the squishies crossing the road with wanton disregard to traffic laws when he was himself intent on…well, plowing a certain squishy. 

Not that he really thought of her that way. She wasn’t a squishy: she was June. With the magnificent flame red/orange hair, and the skin so pale you could see the traceries of her circulatory system and the laugh like no sound he had ever heard, that had this power to just…tear at his spark. It was…of course…entirely ridiculous. 

“Well,” Barricade said. Change of subject time. Unfortunately, his processor seemed…stuck on one subject. He thought acutely back to their…argument. No. He did not want to make that mistake again by suggesting anything that might upset her. And he had had a good thought—that it was unfair that he put all of his kinks on her. Her turn. “Just in case, though, anything you want to try?”

“Sweetie,” she paused to giggle as he shuddered, only half in disgust at the endearment, “I’m not bored with you.”

“Don’t want you to be. Best fix of a problem is to get it before it’s a problem. Or…something like that.” He’d heard some weird human expression like that. A stitch in time (like…how the frag they do that?) saves mines? Whatever. These humans were all about saving stuff. Weird. But that wasn’t the point. He wanted to know what she wanted. That way. 

“I liked the airport thing,” she said, running her hands over the back of his seat. 

“Driving,” he growled. 

“You started this topic of conversation, you know.” She poked a finger through his hologram. “I don’t know…what do you want?”

“That’s NOT how this equality thing works, June.”

“Equality? Where’d you get that goofy idea? You’re like…three times my height. What the hell are we equal in?”

“YOU have all the power, squishy,” he said. “Some kind of power or I would have stomped you into paste before now.” 

“Power of love,” she teased. Then stopped. Uhhh, a little too close to joke about. “So,” she said, quickly, “how ‘bout you tell me what you guys get up to? You know, what kinks you have?”

“We’re boring. The usual. Bondage, pain, group sex…you know. Typical bad guy stuff.” There was some cool stuff you could do with jumper cables but…he didn’t think it would quite work with an organic system. 

“Group sex?” She sounded surprised. “Like…really?”

“Yeah. I mean. It gets awfully boring on long flights and the idea of being stuck with the same one mech…,” he shuddered. Not that it was really a problem for him. He was the freak no one wanted to touch.  Or the freak they touched because they liked touching freaks no one wanted to touch. Suddenly, he wanted her to touch him more. He thought about pulling over. He rotated his internal optics to her. She looked…interested. 

“Like you and your jet friend? Or the copter?”

“Yeah.” But that was all…kinda new. He still wasn’t used to that kind of attention himself, really. Still always freaked him out—in a really hot electrifying way—when one of them would offer.

“Those were hot, you know…we could do something like that but a bit more…?” 

Barricade considered. “Maybe.” 

“Come on. Your copter friend is gorgeous.”

“I thought you said adorable,” he grumbled. 

“Are you jealous?” She leaned over: he could feel the swell of her breasts pressing against the back of his front seat, warm soft pressure. Oh he really wanted to pull over. “Is that why you’re hesitating? Jealous of the helicopter?”

“Frag no!” His hologram faced the road stolidly. Like a good law abiding driver. Who just happened to look like a robot. And was really a hologram.  “Not jealous. Stupid thing to say. Jealous of HIM? Please.”

“Well, then… how about it?” She ran her fingers along the headrest. She’d told him that she wasn’t considered very ‘sexy’ by her own kind—too old and too squishy (which seemed a ridiculously relative scale to Barricade—they ALL squished), but the way her fingertips teased over the seams on his seat…. Maybe ‘sexy’ wasn’t the right word. But it was something that got his engine revving. 

“I…uh… well. See, Blackout has his own xeno, and I know how you xenos are about your crazy pair bonding stuff and I don’t want him—or Starscream—to get in trouble with their own xenos, you know?” 

“Cop out.” She brushed the headrest with her cheek, trailing her fingers through his hologram. The ripples from her fingers through the fractalized light sent impossibly delicate tremors across his sensor net. 

“Cultural sensitivity,” he snooted, trying to pull himself together. “I do my research.”

“You are so meticulous,” she teased. “But it was just a thought. You’re plenty for me.”

“More than you can handle, xeno,” he muttered. But it got him thinking…. He was honest: Starscream would murder him in his sleep without remorse if he messed things up with the Jennifer xeno. Starscream had made that plenty clear. Mech had a real lack of understanding how to turn things to his advantage though. Missed a good number of opportunities to ride to the rescue. Oh, Barricade, get your hologram paw off my xeno’s butt. Seriously? Some knight in shining armor he was. 

But…surely SOMEONE on the Nemesis…..

****

“Heeeeey, June,” he purred over her cell phone. He had her hours memorized—her office hours began two minutes ago.  Just enough time for her to make some mint tea and settle into her chair. “Remember how you said you wanted to, you know, you, me, another mech?”

June bolted upright in her crummy office chair. “Are you serious?” She looked surreptitiously around: her officemate was bent over a stack of quizzes, his green pen flicking out Xs over wrong answers. She straightened the hem of her sweater. No. Not thinking perverted giant alien robot thoughts. Not here. Just…taking a personal call. On her personal cell phone. She darted her eyes from side to side. Did this sound too weird? “Ummm, anyone I know?” No, that sounded fine. Completely natural conversation.   

“No. You don’t know him. But he’s up for it and…it’ll sure be different.” He sounded a little…weirded out himself. June desperately wanted to find a way to ask this without sounding...too freaky. 

“You okay?” Simple enough. What she wanted to ask was who, what’s he look like, have you ever done him before, how’s he feeling about this,…a whole list of questions. But Paul kept marking his quizzes, his pen slicing through wrong answers. Should she get up? Walk to the kitchen? No, because then every open office door and the secretary could hear her. That was no improvement at all. 

“I am fine,” he said. “You, however, sound weird. You want to call this off?”

“No!” Shit. Paul looked up at her quizzically. Which wouldn’t have been so bad if his eyebrows weren’t so ridiculously overgrown. “I mean, you’ve already made plans and I don’t think you should cancel them.” 

“Made plans—wait. You can’t talk openly, can you?”

“No.” She picked up a pen, looking over at Paul, and grabbing a pad like she was going to jot something down. “No big deal, really.”

“I’ll be the judge of whether or not this deal is big,” Barricade snickered. “You want to know? He’s very big. VERY big.” His voice got purry. “Do you want to know what his alt mode is?”

“Uhhh, sure.” Her voice didn’t sound weird, did it? Maybe it did. Paul glanced over at her. Goddammit couldn’t one of your students call you? Or fail the test so damn badly you have to go into Iorio’s office to laugh about it? God! Officemates! Doing work! How irritating!

“Hrmph. You don’t sound too sure about that, June.” 

“Well…it’s up to you, I guess.” 

“It IS up to me.” He gloated. “I think maybe we should build some suspense. What do you think?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want, huh?” She could hear the smile. “I want you. Right now. How ‘bout that, June? Can I have that?” His voice took on that aggressive growl. She shifted uncomfortably on her chair. Ummm, not cool, Barricade, she thought.

“You’re not answering me, June.” Silky now. The tone he’d only recently started using with her, about as recently as she’d begun being a bit more openly physically teasing. “Can I? Now? I like the smell of you, June. Like…right up the inside of your thighs? Where the skin is really soft. I’ve always wanted to bite you there. Maybe leave a bruise. What do you think? Can I do that next time? Can I do it now?”

REALLY uncomfortable on the chair. “Not fair,” she managed. She didn’t really care—that much—what Paul could make of THAT. 

“Oh, not fair, am I? After all the rubbing and pawing you do when I’m trying to drive?” He snickered. “Serve you right if I drove us into a tree. Like to see you explain that to one of your human law officer idiots.” He pitched his voice squeaky. “Oh officer, it was entirely my fault for molesting my car.” 

All right, now she was torn between really turned on and giggling. Neither of which was appropriate with her pushing-retirement officemate sitting a pen’s throw away.

“They’d lock you away. And then where would I be? Huh? Who would I interface with? I’d be lonely. And sad. Just me and my module.” He laughed. “I am enjoying this way too much. I kind of like this. We should do this more often.”

“Uhhhh, no we shouldn’t.” There, that was safe to say. I think.

“I think we should. I haven’t told you how good it feels when my module’s inside you, have I?  All that warmth and the pressure and the slickness? Have I ever told you how hot I find that? Not to mention the way you moan. Ever told you that?”

“No?”

“I should do it more often. And especially the way you take your stupid human clothes off. Like you don’t think I already know what you look like. Tell you something? That pair of jeans I tore up? I still have them. I smell them when you’re not around because they smell like you.” A shuddering breath on his end. “AAAND Okay, let’s talk about something else,” he said, hastily. “Unless you feel like coming out to the parking lot RIGHT NOW.” 

She laughed, hoping the way she rocked in her chair looked almost natural. She was…really tempted. But there was no privacy in the parking lot and…oh that would just be a bad idea. 

“So, uhhh,” she said, unsteadily.

“Tonight. Right after work. In two hours and eighteen minutes of your annoying squishy local time.” 

“Sure,” she said. Shit. She had that prelim to write. Damn. Why couldn’t she have TAs to order around? Maybe she could…reuse an old exam. Sure. That’s recycling. Very green. Very hip. “Uhhh, see you then, honey,” she said, neutrally. Paul smirked at his pile of quizzes, sure he had caught her out in a moment of sentimentality. Oh, Paul, you have no idea.

“Oh I’ll see YOU then,” Barricade tittered. “A lot of you.” 

*****

Barricade drove her out to the old part of the closed down Army base. This was where she’d first met Blackout, which got her hopes up. The copter was pretty cute. She certainly wouldn’t object. But he turned away from the large open areas where an aircraft could land and headed instead for an old, rusted out hangar. He rolled into the darkness: June had to blink for a long time to get her eye adjusted to the gloom. She got out of the car, aware only of a hulking mass in front of her. What was that? It WAS big. 

Barricade pushed back to two feet and crossed over the yellow vehicle. He knocked on the side. “Come on; can’t hide in there all day.” 

“Not hiding,” a baritone voice floated out, as the vehicle began shifting, “Just contemplating the path of sin that brought me this low.”

“Well, you sound enthusiastic,” June said. 

The yellow vehicle unfolded. He WAS big. He had…really long arms. Like he could reach the floor without bending over. And his feet were wheeled. Very cool. 

“Wow,” she said. “You have a really cool design.”

“Right, xeno. For all the good it’s done me.” He sighed. “Can we get this over with?”

Barricade smirked. “We have to get it started first. June, this is Bonecrusher. Bonecrusher, June.” 

Bonecrusher bent down, peering at her. “Is she considered an attractive specimen for the species?”

“Yes,” Barricade said, confidently. “Very much so. And she thinks I’m hot.”

Bonecrusher blinked. “What? They have opinions now, these xenos? Huh. Life certainly has taken a depressing turn.”

Barricade rolled his optics, turning back to June. “So…what do you think?”

“He’s adorable.” He was. The grumpiness, the broad face with the yellow cheek struts, the long hands clutching awkwardly at the air—the very picture of clumsy and clueless. If she were fifteen again, she’d want to hug him. 

“See? You heard her. She said I’m horrible. So…too bad on me. I guess it’s over.” He sighed. “I’ll find a way to live knowing a xeno thinks I’m horrible.”

“Adorable.” Barricade tapped his audio, signaling to June. Apparently Bonecrusher was a little on the deaf side. “She said adorable. Not horrible.”

“Adora—are these xenos known for mental instability?” Bonecrusher recoiled, looking down at her with something like concern.  

“She’s fine. She thinks you’re adorable. She thought the same about the copter.”

“The copte—oh THAT idiot?” Bonecrusher harrumphed. “I question the aesthetic sensibilities of these xenos, honestly.”

June laughed. 

“You didn’t have to agree to this,” Barricade crabbed.

“Oh really? Didn’t leave me much choice, did you?” His optics travelled to June’s small body. “Besides. What’s one more drop of regret in the ocean I’ve already got going?”   Another sigh. “So…how do we start this thing?”

“Traditionally they kiss.”

“Traditionally, I don’t.” The yellow mech squatted down. “Bonecrusher doesn’t kiss on the first date.”

“But…” June raised an eyebrow. “You agreed to interface? On the first date?”

“Yeah? So my moral system isn’t perfect. Show me what is.”

She was trying really hard not to laugh. This was…awkward but funny as hell. She stiffened a little as the mech moved one of his huge hands over her. He prodded at her hip. 

“Less squishy than advertised,” he muttered. “I bet this is the crunchy part.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not here to find that out, are you?” Barricade intervened, pushing the yellow plated hand away.

“Wasn’t going to. Primus. Show me an alien then get all hostile when I evince the least bit of curiosity.” He harrumphed again. He turned to June. “So you, Joom or whatever. You look like you’re not an idiot. Or a sadist.” He eyeballed Barricade pointedly.  “How do we do this?” He poked her with one hand, gently. “Kind of want to get past the living through this part and onto the regretting it part.”

“Well…can I touch your face?”

“Touch my—why? Is this truly necessary?” 

“It’s required,” Barricade said, smugly. “Human interfacing custom. She’s suggesting it as a substitute for kissing.” 

“Bizarre human customs,” Bonecrusher grumbled as he settled himself awkwardly on the floor. “Don’t know why you know this nonsense.”

“It’s called research.”

“Research!” Bonecrusher looked at Barricade as though he’d said an obscenity. “Enough misery in my own fraggin’ life without looking to borrow some from some freaky—and short and easily breakable—culture.” He slid one of his long arms along the floor, dropping his torso to the ground. The only way, June realized, he could get his face close enough for her to touch—without actually having to pick her up. “Just…tell her not to, you know, extrude poison or whatever these things do when they’re threatened.” 

Barricade rolled his optics at June. “Yeah. Hey, June, no poison.” 

She saluted. “I shall do my best.” 

Bonecrusher drew his face back from her hands, the servos hissing softly, his optics spiraled in. Was it possible he was…a little afraid? 

“I don’t think I could actually manage to hurt you,” she said. 

“Just…get it over with.”   His optics followed her hand until they couldn’t, clicking against their sockets’ limits—she had to try hard not to laugh at his cross-eyed gaze. He tensed as he felt the warmth of her palm against one of his yellow jaw struts, then relaxed. 

“Not so bad, right?’ Barricade stepped in behind June, laying one heavy talon over her shoulder. June curled her fingers around the chromium yellow piece of metal, her fingertips probing underneath. Bonecrusher made some strangled sound in his vocalizer, but his optics spiraled open more. Which Barricade had told her was a positive sign. 

“Not…unbearable,” he managed to choke out. “But I don’t see her doing this to you.” 

“Oh, you want to know what she does to me?” He prodded June’s shoulder. “Show him.”

“No kissing!” Bonecrusher repeated, snapping his intake shut. June grinned, leaning forward to rub her own cheek against the larger mech’s face. The metal felt cool to the touch, except where it was warmed from the glow of his optics. “Necessary?” he croaked. 

“Absolutely.” Barricade confirmed. 

June heard a humming sound—she couldn’t tell if it was mechanical or coming from his vocalizer. And then a louder sound, and then her hand pincered by cold metal. He dragged her hand in front of his optics, not really noticing the way she stumbled after it—still attached to her hand. She felt Barricade tense behind her. “Fraggin’ tiny,” he muttered. “Flex it.”    Raising an eyebrow, June nonetheless moved her hand—balling it into a fist, flattening it out, wiggling the fingers. “Ridiculous,” Bonecrusher decided. “How do you not break these things?”

“It’s called being careful,” Barricade retorted. “And her hands are NOT ridiculous.”

“And the face. Primus.” It was June’s turn to pull away as one of the long metal claws hove in front of her face, pushing, more delicately than she’d thought possible, at her nose. “Wouldn’t last five kliks in combat before part of this broke. Or exploded. Or whatever they do.” 

Barricade’s voice got sly. “Kind of cool, isn’t it?”   

“Making the best of a bad situation,” Bonecrusher said, stiffening. But his claw’s worn grey tip slid off her nose and across her cheekbone and down her jawline. “Warning: remember my equipment’s not at its default location.”  He looked up at Barricade. “Probably should have told you about that. Defective merchandise.” He shrugged. 

“Defective how?” June asked, her jaw bumping off his hand. 

“Frag. Old injury. Circuitry was too damaged so…they moved it.” Another shrug. Like it didn’t matter. “Never use the damn stuff anyway.” 

June made a sympathetic noise. “That sounds so sad.”

“Life’s sad, xeno. You get over it.”  He looked up at Barricade. “Now, do you have to touch this xeno or is this a special treat just for me?” 

Barricade smirked. “Let me show you how it’s done, rolling buzzkill.” He pulled June back against him, lifting her off the ground as he bent low, brushing his chromed facial plates against her ear and cheek. His hands pulled at her body, his optics noting, with amusement, the way Bonecrusher’s were drawn to the squashiness of June’s chassis. Chest. Whatever they called it. It was squishy and warm and really worked for Barricade’s little xeno kink. And was doing…something for Bonecrusher. He turned June’s head, pulling her into a kiss, feeling his interface systems signal readiness to proceed. He was still more than a little…awake from earlier. Thankfully, Bonecrusher’s anti-erotic nature was helping damp down the signals otherwise he’d’ve ripped June’s clothes off a long time ago. 

June’s mouth was warm and responsive under his;  he was suddenly fiercely glad she hadn’t kissed Bonecrusher. His. Not sharing. Not…all of her. His engine revved as she moaned in the back of her throat, her hands coming up to stroke his head, the sensitive comm array over his right audio. 

He pushed her gently to the floor, careful to catch her with one hand, laying her on the cool concrete. Not exactly the most, he thought suddenly, comfortable. He should have thought to bring that blanket or sleeping bag or something. He pulled away. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Always.” She stroked a line down his jaw, her small fingers teasing under his armor. “And you get an audience.” 

Barricade looked over at the yellow mech. “True. I do like an audience.” He bent low, pushing the hem of June’s sweater up by catching it against one of his facial spires, licking at the white expanse of her bare stomach, exposing the pale lace of her bra. She shivered, biting her lower lip. Primus he wanted her. Frag Bonecrusher. 

No, this was her thing and…he was going to do it right. He pushed back to his knees. “All right, you.” He gestured Bonecrusher over. “Ready to learn?”

“Compulsory education,” Bonecrusher sighed, “the bane of civilization.”  He leaned over, lifting her sweater further. “Huh. This one’s been damaged, too.” His head swung to hers. “Where’d they move your interface equipment, June? Xeno? Human?”  He gave up trying to find an appropriate label with another shrug. 

 “She’s not injured,” Barricade cut in. “Different system design. Show him.” 

June lifted her hips and then sat up. “You know, we always have to do this on days when I have to wear pantyhose.”

“You don’t have to wear anything,” Barricade retorted. “We have had this discussion before, xeno. Clothes are needlessly frustrating and should be avoided as they make your robot unhappy.”  He watched as she yanked the tissue thin garment off her legs. 

“I can’t go around naked all the time, weirdo.”

“Why not? I’m naked. ALL the time. This ‘naked’ is a pointless hangup you xenos have.” He pushed her back down. “Now, Bonecrusher. Look. Xeno access port.” 

“Miserable design,” Bonecrusher said. “Vulnerable area. Should be heavily armored.” He rapped his knuckles against his own pelvic plating, which gave a solid thunk. “Like this.” 

June grinned up at him. He was almost—almost—showing a kind of interest. “I can’t help my design,” she said. 

“Yeah, guess you have to live with it, huh. Trust me, know all about having to live with an unfortunate design.” He pried her legs apart. “In there? But there’s no module.” 

“Design flaw,” June said. “Half the species, no module.”

“And you ENJOY interfacing with no module?” He looked…surprised. “I mean, hard enough to imagine you like interfacing with HIM, but....”

“Hey. She likes interfacing with me. A lot. I am her preferred interface partner.”

“Yeah? So why’d you drag me into this?”

Barricade faltered. Then recovered. “To remind her how awesome I am by giving her a basis for comparison.”

“Yes, I could see how she might forget that.”

Barricade glowered.

“Aren’t we forgetting something else, here?” She pulled Barricade’s hand toward her. 

“I am not forgetting,” he said, bending over her, his glossa flicking over her throat. “I am merely educating the ignorant here.”

“Not ignorant, you know. And if you insist, fine. Demonstrate this interfacing. Because THAT does not look like an access port.”

“Ha.” He turned to June. “Ready?”

“Should I ask you that?” she teased. She ran her fingertips over the front of his grille, one finger circling a headlamp. His exvent gusted against her. 

 “What, wait? These xenos don’t have interface indicators? This IS a faulty design. How do you know if one’s ready without indicator lights?”

“You have ways. Like this,” Barricade said, sagely. He ducked lower, licking at the join of her thighs. She whimpered. 

“You lick them until…what?” 

“Here. Find out.” Barricade leaned back. Glaring at Barricade, Bonecrusher’s head moved into her view.

“Can’t believe I’ve sunk this low,” he muttered. “Licking xenos. I cannot possibly get any lower than this.” His glossa, heavy and grey, dragged across her inner thigh. June squeaked, her hips rising up with the movement. He stopped, looked at her, curious, and licked again, this time closer up her thigh, his glossa grazing the edges of her labia. She sucked in a ragged breath. Oh GOD that felt good, so good she could even ignore his strange, curious stare. He paused. 

June started giggling. “I haz a flavor!” 

Barricade snorted a laugh, then waved to Bonecrusher to continue. “Giggling’s good. They do that when they’re aroused.”

“This? This arouses xenos?” He looked stunned. “Should imagine not.” 

“Why not?” Barricade’s optics got that slightly slanted glint June recognized before he leaned in, pressing his face against Bonecrusher’s throat. The yellow mech moaned, stiffening in surprise. 

“What the--?”

Barricade pulled away. “What? Licking works on you, it seems. Why not on her?” 

“You are not,” Bonecrusher said, “authorized to have feelings for me.” 

“Oh I HAVE feelings for you,” Barricade retorted, running his smaller talons along the heavy armor of the larger mech’s arm. “Revulsion, contempt, loathing….” He snickered as Bonecrusher shuddered under his touch. 

“Why are you doing this to me? Just to humiliate me?” The yellow mech sighed. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

“I am doing this because it turns June on.” He froze. Ooops. A little too much honesty. He recovered with a growl, skittering his talons over the large mech’s back, to where the yellow mech’s interface equipment was. “And that kinda turns me on.” He risked a look over his shoulder. June was definitely turned on, lips parted, her greenish-grey human optics glued to him. His module pinged him. Again. Yeah. Know that. Not the point. This is for June. 

“Uhhhh,” Bonecrusher’s hands clutched awkwardly at the ground. “This is for that one time, isn’t it?”

“Mmmmaybe.” Barricade grinned. Bonecrusher’s discomfort was awesome. Serves him right, too. He might have discovered a new kink. “Now, you want to do what you came here for?”  He popped Bonecrusher’s module from its catch.

Bonecrusher gave a bracing sigh. “Fine. But I have no idea what I’m doing so it’s not my fault if your xeno gets hurt. Or explodes.” 

“What is it with you and this thing with them exploding?” Barricade asked, as he knelt by June, the larger mech’s module in his hand.

“Wishful thinking.”  

Barricade frowned at the module. Half the indicator lights were dark. He rolled his optics.  June grinned as he surreptitiously raised it to his mouth, his glossa flicking along the tip. Bonecrusher groaned. “What are you doing over there?” 

“Preparation.” Barricade paused. Green lights staggered nearly to the end. Damn he was good at that, wasn’t he? “Close enough.” He pushed June’s thighs apart, leaning over her, one hand flat on the ground by her shoulders. Looking down at her, enjoying the way her eyes widened and she sucked in a breath as he pushed the module inside her. It wasn’t his module this time, but even so he felt a rush of heat, like flash fire, across his sensor net at her response.

Bonecrusher groaned. “It’s…what the frag is that?” It was warm and slickly went, this xeno access port and it had a shifting kind of pressure along the length of his module. It wasn’t unpleasant. It was weird. In a way that tore a pulse from his datastream, the electrical information rippling through the signal cable.

“IT,” Barricade said, “is a xeno port.”

June squeaked as the first pulse of the datastream hit her. She pulled Barricade’s face down to hers, her arms wrapping around his head, fingers seeking the small gaps between plates along the back of his neck. Above them, Bonecrusher’s optics were distant, a strange throbbing growl building in his throat. Barricade growled in his own throat, feeling June twist underneath him, her breath getting shallower, her hips writhing under his chassis. He ran his talons over her, squeezing at her pale thighs, pressing her soft breasts. He had no idea why her softness fascinated him…and now really wasn’t the time to analyze. He could sense the pulse of Bonecrusher’s datastream and, even tucked in his hatch, his own module ached in time. 

“Uhhh,” Bonecrusher asked, his vents ragged, “No return pulse? Am I doing something wrong?”

Barricade grinned, turning his head. “No. None of your little datastream battles with xenos. Relax. You’ll get used to it.”

“Get used to—oh no.” He shook his head, bearing down to cut his datapulse. “Not doing this again. One time thing.” A shudder wracked his body, as the stream slipped his control. “No….” he said, distantly.

Barricade shrugged, turning back to June, his talons curled around one thigh, tangling in Bonecrusher’s connector cables. The yellow mech gasped, then suddenly roared, his tail whipping, the fork’s tines bolting erect, his long claws cutting gouges in the concrete floor. June sucked in a breath and held it, her fingers digging into Barricade’s neck cabling, her entire body giving way to trembling. 

He was kind of surprised how aroused he was, considering. You know. That his module was still in its housing. And…that Bonecrusher was involved. He dropped his head between June’s breasts, feeling the warmth, the racing pulse of her blood, the smooth texture of her skin.

Bonecrusher came out of his fadeout cursing. “I hate you, Barricade.” 

Barricade grinned, his facial plates shifting against June’s skin. “You liked that.”

“Shut up. Now you’re going to tell everyone about this.” Bonecrusher rocked back on his wheeled feet. “Can I have my module at least?”

“Not going to tell anyone. We had a deal, remember?”

“What deal is this?” June asked. 

“Nothing,” they both said, quickly. 

June slapped a hand at Barricade’s face. “Nothing, my ass. What.”

“I just had to convince him to come.”

“Convince me? We call it blackmail, Barricade.”

“Not my fault you set yourself up for it.” Barricade reached down between June’s thighs, pulling out the module. June grabbed it from him, both of them jerking in surprise. 

“Explain. Now.” The module was slick in her fingers, and she had no idea why she thought this would convince either of them to talk but at least they were listening to her now. Bonecrusher’s optics were frantic. Which was silly: he could swipe her head off with one claw. 

“I…got in some trouble and….”

“Overcharged on duty. Capital offense.”

“Look. I did my best. Nothing happened.”

“Could have, though.” 

“SO,” June said, loudly, whacking the module against her hand. Bonecrusher winced. “Drunk on duty or something like that? Not good.”

“Shut it, xeno. Your life were as miserable as mine, you’d do it too.” He reached for his module. She snatched it away. 

“Want to talk about it?”

“NO I do NOT want to TALK about it.” He grumbled, “Depressing enough to live it.” 

“Well, maybe not right now, but… you know. Barricade has my number. You can call me if you get bored or down or something.” She felt like she owed him…something. Barricade looked outraged. “Shush, you,” she said, her other hand reaching for his interface hatch. “I know how to make you feel better.” She laughed as she heard a soft ‘ping’. “I will take that as a yes.”

“You will take it as a thing you are taking,” Barricade muttered, snatching his module from its catches. Sure, not his best line, but….he was under a lot of pressure: Bonecrusher watching him, his own madly pinging systems…. He slid his module into her, murmuring happily at the tingling slickness, trying really hard not to think about it being Bonecrusher’s overload that was prickling against his module. He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him, his hands squeezing at her body, one curled protectively around her head, tangling in her red curls, where her head lay on his headlamp.

Oh this was worth everything, and his arousal spiked at the sight of Bonecrusher’s optics on him, half-aroused, half-upset that his module, lodged between June’s body and his chassis, was beginning, already, to pulse again.

The overload hit him fast and hard—it had been denied twice, first from that phone conversation and then earlier, watching her writhe under Bonecrusher. He clutched her against him as the overload forced through his sensornet, his systems whitelining with pleasure, the last sound in his audio before the fadeout was her cry of pleasure. 

He couldn’t find words: he hoped the fact that he was willing to do this for her said what he needed to say, what he wanted to say. What he was too afraid to say. 

“Barricade?” Bonecrusher’s voice pulled him out of his sappy reflections. “You don’t give me my module back, and I mean like RIGHT now and you are in for a world of unhappiness.” 

“Am I?” Barricade winked at June, reaching carefully under her to retrieve the yellow mech’s module. He probed it with his glossa. “Really?” Bonecrusher moaned. 

***

Epilogue:

June flopped down on her chair in her office. Today, of course, Paul had a committee meeting so she was all alone, so when Barricade called, oh, she had a little surprise for him. 

Almost right on cue, her phone rang.

“Hey there,” Barricade purred. “Miss me yet?”

“Always.”  She squirmed in anticipation. “So, what are you up to?”

He groaned. “Monitor duty. Primus’s own punishment for his errant sparks.” 

“So…you miss me, too.”

“Always, xeno.”

“Want me to tell you what I’d do if you were here right now?”

“Do I?” She could hear the sly smile.

“Well, more like…at home. I bought a high pressure nozzle for my garden hose the other day.”

She could hear the shock of surprise. “Uhhhh, that’ll be nice for your flowery hydrangea things.”

“No, it’ll be nice for you. Like that one spot between those fairings you have on your neck? Or maybe getting into the tire mounting? The brake pads?”

“UhhHHHHhhHHH,” he faltered. “Not cool.” 

“Why not? I just want to get you clean, you know,” she purred. God if she were listening to a tape of herself she’d die of mortification. But Barricade’s reaction was entirely priceless. 

His voice was thready and small. “Maybe we could, uhhh, change the subject now? Please?  And, uh…Bonecrusher says hi.” 

All right, enough fun. She’d had her revenge. 

“Hey, bad question, but…did you really blackmail your friend to get him to come?”

“Friend is such an ugly word.” A soft laugh. “Then again he’s an ugly mech.”

She tsked. “Avoiding the question.” 

“Your ‘blackmail’ is simply ‘persuasive compromise’ in our terms.” He paused. “Guess something might get a little lost in translation, there.” 

 “So…you’d blackmail someone…for me?” she teased.

“Uhhhh…. Is that bad?” He sounded suddenly deflated of his usual bravado.

“No. Just figuring out what got lost in translation about that, too.” She grinned. “No one’s ever blackmailed anyone for me before.”

He sounded sheepish. “June, you know. Uh. I have…ummm. Frag.”

She started laughing. Maybe she should rescue him from himself. She knew what he meant, and knew why he couldn’t say it. And he wouldn’t be…HIM if he could say it. “How bout I talk more about that garden hose?” She heard him suck in a grateful breath. Saved from himself. 

“Uhhh, that would be acceptable. Frag. Wait a klik.” A pause, and she heard the soft hum of when he’d…she guess it would be like put her on hold. He came back. “Oh Juuuuuuuune,” he sang. “You are not going to believe this and you are going to discover entirely new definitions for the human word ‘regret’.”

Well, that would have sounded ominous if he didn’t sound so damn amused. “Really?”

“Oh yes. Guess who wants to call you?” He started cackling. 

 

 

Comments

[wicked3659.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Love these two very much and Bonecrusher an excellent addition so dead pan and so obsessed with things exploding that line still has me laughing out loud!! ^^ June has a new friend tee hee hee ^___^

[swordage]

I sporfled. (That's a good thing.)

But seriously, oh my gosh, Bonecrusher is so grouchy! It's so cute~ I love his "wishful thinking" about squishies exploding. Heee. Also omg garden hose. ♥

[darklight8121.livejournal.com]

*flails* Who calls her? Bonecrusher?

...I have to wash my car today thank you! Wonderful... not gonna be able to looks at my car or hose the same way...ever! I like these two!

[ravynfyre.livejournal.com]

OMFG, just when I thought that I couldn't adore you more, you prove me wrong.

Not only do I get more Barricade/June - which was so awesome and sweet and hot that my ovaries clanged...

Not only do I get Barricade corrupting more mechs - have I mentioned how much I adore your 'Cade? Seriously, I need to kidnap you over to DeadZone and hand him over to you, because, yeah, your 'Cade is so much better than mine!

But I get Bonecrusher being grouchy and believably Bonecrusher WITHOUT being all RAWR, I HATE EVERYTHING AND AM TOO STUPID TO DO MORE THAN RAWR HATE EVERYTHING that so many other writers resort to! Characterization! Depth! Disgruntlement!

Are you SURE that you don't wanna room with me at Botcon? Because I totally wanna keep you!

[kamiraptor.livejournal.com]

Haha! *rolls on floor laughing*

Bonecrusher, oh Bonecrusher! I would tell you to lighten up, but you're waaaaay too fun like this!!!

Yes, this was funny, but also hot! Wooo! XD

[eerian_sadow]

this was delightful. Barricade and June are just too adorable together. and Bonecrusher's "i hate everything" attitude and strange facination with blowing up squishies was just hilarious.

<3

[agentak.livejournal.com]

"Could pay him a little visit.”
“No.”
“Just…thought he belonged on a Suspicious Persons watchlist. Maybe a child sex offender registry.”

^
I've always liked your Barricade, but that settles it. I want him as my boyfriend.


"A stitch in time saves mines". I like that saying better and will be using it from here on in.


“Made plans—wait. You can’t talk openly, can you?”
“No.” She picked up a pen, looking over at Paul, and grabbing a pad like she was going to jot something down. “No big deal, really.”
“I’ll be the judge of whether or not this deal is big,” Barricade snickered. “You want to know? He’s very big. VERY big.” His voice got purry. “Do you want to know what his alt mode is?”

^
I love Barricade. He's such an asshole. I want to hug him. Poor, lucky June...

The one-sided phone sex was both sexy as hell and really funny. I don't know how you managed that one.

Bonecrusher is such a dick. I want to hug him too. I feel bad for him, but he's just too funny.

“Bonecrusher doesn’t kiss on the first date.” <-- The absudity of the mental image I have for that part is making me laugh so hard my sister is wondering if I've finally lost it.


“Just…tell her not to, you know, extrude poison or whatever these things do when they’re threatened.”
Barricade rolled his optics at June. “Yeah. Hey, June, no poison.”
She saluted. “I shall do my best.”

^
I think that may be my favourite part of this chapter.


“What is it with you and this thing with them exploding?” <--- I read Bonecrusher's 'exploding' comment and I was like "What is it with him and us exploding?" and then I read Barricade's next line and started to squee.

...Okay I got to the end of the smut and yes I do feel bad for Bonecrusher. He really needs that hug. *hugs Bonecrusher*

Yes! Yes! Bonecrusher is going to get a friend! I really, really like him. He's just so depressed and that makes me want to make things better for him... *sadface*


Alright. So. LoveLoveLove. But then again, I love all your xeno chapters. That was awesome. And I want Bonecrusher to find something happy in his life :(
But it was awesome. ...*goes to read it again*

[dfastback68.livejournal.com]

Horray for xeno story making my day bearable :) Blackout's going to get a complex if he hears he's been upgraded to 'gorgeous' again.

Did Bonecrusher get overcharged because he got in a fight with Brawl?? That's going to be one awkward conversation for June.

Love seeing these guys, as always.

[mmouse15.livejournal.com]

OK, the whole scene with Bonecrusher I was LOL'ing. It was funny and sexy and so much fun to read!

[flamekaat.livejournal.com]

JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY! TYVM! I loved it a lot! hehe 'Guess who want's to call you?" LOLOLOLOLOLOL