Face the Dawn

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

PG
Bayverse, post ROTF
Ironhide, Sideswipe
pfff angst.
for tf_speedwriting  'new beginning' Holy bananas in liquid nitrogen, I can make ANY prompt angsty, can't I? O_O
Wordcount: 934

“And this,” Optimus concluded, in his stirring, booming voice, “is our new home, Autobots.  Earth is our future. And today, our era of peace begins.”

The assembled mechs and humans erupted into cheers.  Mikaela threw her arms around Sam, the NEST soldiers exchanged palm-slaps, and even former Sector Seven agent Simmons popped a crisp salute. Everyone seemed to be celebrating.

Except Ironhide. 

It wasn’t that the war had been won too easily—they’d lost the Allspark, forever, lost Optimus himself in what struck Ironhide as the darkest days he’d known since he’d walked away from Trypticon.  They’d lost Jazz.  They'd fought and paid.  For centuries. It was just…that peace just didn’t seem possible.  

Maybe it’s just me, Ironhide thought, looking down at his heavy forearms. Maybe it’s…my past.

He looked around at the other Autobots, as if seeing them for the first time, studying their designs.  The old ones, like Ratchet, who abjured integrated weaponry, or the younger models, like Sideswipe…light and sleek and fast compared to his own systems.  Defense Force systems.  It’s why he was bigger and heavier than his fellow Autobots, why he was, in the art of killing, better.  There wasn’t an Autobot here he couldn’t take down in an even fight. Not even Prime.  And they all knew that, even Sideswipe, especially Sideswipe, who had trained under him all those ages ago.

He’d always been different, but he’d always been useful.

But now? 

What use was he now?  He’d never known anything, done anything, but fight, unlike Sideswipe, who had sacrificed his innocence and his twin, and fought from that loss and pain. Fought FOR something, rather than against it, like Ironhide did.  A subtle difference but perhaps, perhaps, significant. 

Ironhide watched as Ratchet turned back to the hangar they had set aside for an impromptu repair bay, going to check on his patients. Ratchet would be glad to never have to repair another gaping wound, to have to race to clamp down fluids, fingers and floor growing slick and dangerous. Never have to see another mech’s spark gutter out in front of him, the horrible spasms of an overclocked system spitting out sparks of pain.

And Sideswipe…would have time for mourning, at last. 

“Hey, ‘Hide!”  Sideswipe rolled up to him, head cocked. “Y’okay?” 

“Fine,” he said. 

Sideswipe punched him lightly on the arm. “Didja hear? War’s over!  We won!”

Ironhide grunted. “Yeah.”

“You sound disappointed.”   Sideswipe looked shocked, then the look melted into a sly smile. “Hey, think of it this way: time to relax. Downtime.  Training.”

Training.  Playing at war.  Yeah, he’d thought it was fun, too, back on Cybertron, back in the Defense Forces.  Ironhide shrugged. 

Sideswipe—being Sideswipe—steamrollered over that. “You’re just afraid I’ll finally beat you, old-timer.”

That wasn’t it, but it hit close enough to evince a wince.  Yes.  He was afraid his time had passed.  Obsolete technology, a useless relic, heavy and slow.  A killing machine…with nothing to kill.

The smile faltered on Sideswipe’s face.  “Hey, I didn’t, uh, you know, mean anything by that.  You’re still the best. Always have been.”

The best at something they no longer needed.  But he forced a smile on his battered, flat face.  Sideswipe had earned his peace.  He didn’t need an old wreck like Ironhide trying to bring him down. “Better than you’ll ever be,” he said, realizing after he’d spoken how true the words were.  Sideswipe would never need to be as good as he was.  Sideswipe had a new future to build, new experiences to have. 

The smile rebloomed on Sideswipe’s face. It tore at Ironhide’s spark.   “That’s more like it.  Hey, we’re getting together in a bit—all of us, mechs and humans and all—to have a little party.”  His optics blazed with a poignant intensity. “Can you imagine? A real party.  Music.  Telling stories.  Drinking way too much high grade and doing things we’ll regret next solar cycle. No one on guard.”  It was something Sideswipe had only heard about in muttered stories from grizzled veterans or dimly, dimly, from his own youth, torn from him too soon by the war.  His tone of voice was like someone describing a wistful wild fantasy.  “You’re coming, right? It wouldn’t be a celebration if the big hero wasn’t there.” 

Ironhide couldn’t say no.  Not now, not to that face and the tenuous hope beginning to take root there. He saw a golden future on Sideswipe’s face. And more—that under it all, the silver mech could still feel, and love, and hope, and dream.

None of which Ironhide could do. Too old, too narrowed in purpose. Too wrong.  “I’ll be there,” he said.  “Just got…some stuff to do first,” he said, lamely. Stuff to do? There was no stuff to do. Not anymore. Not with peace—there were no patrols to organize, or guard rosters to coordinate or status updates to check or perimeters to check. This…this gaping emptiness was his future. 

Sideswipe slapped his shoulder, heartily. “Great! But don’t come too late, because I’m not sure you can trust me to save you any high grade.”  His smile flashed keener than his blades.  He spun on his wheels, almost a pirouette of pure joy, and dashed away.

The others had gone, too, leaving the tarmac, the human soldiers a boisterous group, whizzing in their jeeps, Optimus moving forward like a stately ship, the other mechs massing around him, trying to crowd into his aura. And the sun of this planet was setting, stretching long lines of gold and shadow across the atoll.

Their day of victory was ending, and…Ironhide didn’t want to face the dawn.

 

Comments

[chibirisuchan.livejournal.com]

;_______________; *huuuuuuuuuuuuuugs ol' Hide*

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

I don't know why but I really do think he's older than most of the other Autobots, even Optimus.

[ithilgwath.livejournal.com]

oooh Ironhide... *hugs him*
This... made me remember Brooks from The Shawshank Redmention. Just... been one thing too long to go back to what was before or on to something new. ouch.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Yes, it's even more complicated as a human--I mean Ironhide could literally at least change out his parts, and such, and totally redesign himself. People...can't really do that. :c

[playswithworms.livejournal.com]

Poor 'Hide ;_; Mebbe he can take up knitting? *runs*

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

He will knit legwarmers. For everyone! And then bully them into wearing them! :D

[bluebirdsoaring.livejournal.com]

Very honest look at what Hide might really think!! In my headspace he's a very deep sort of bot, and you capture that beautifully. I would love to see a part 2 with Prime and Hide or perhaps Ratchet and Hide...someone of his own "age" who might help him see the future. You show a bit of that with Siders, but he's able to shake it off due to age...but it's wonderful as a oneshot!!

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

That's a really cool bunny! Thanks!

To be honest I think all of them, if peace ever really did come, would eventually feel a little bit like this--it's hard to basically do a 180 on fighting all the time, you know? He's just a bit more aware of it, somehow.

[femme4jack.livejournal.com]

This was so beautifully angsty, and a great window into Hide's processorset. I always love it when you write Hide. It really takes a 'con to understand him.

He can always go play with Annabelle and be a nannybot...

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Lol, many way better writers than me do the Ironhide + Annabelle fluff and do it justice. I...would probably not. :P

In the whole Shadow-Vector series he's the guy who's ending up doing most of the moral-compass thinking for the Autobots--but no one will listen!

[synaltern.livejournal.com]

Oh that was beautiful. That perspective is so fitting for him, just feels right.

[niyazi-a.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Ironhide's one of the more complex characters in Bayverse, and he's really interesting to try to get into his head.

[aughoti (from livejournal.com)]

Really like this, and particularly the bit:

“Better than you’ll ever be,” he said, realizing after he’d spoken how true the words were. Sideswipe would never need to be as good as he was.

That just really sums it up for me; the one thing that Ironhide was designed for, and dedicated himself to being the best at, is something that isn't needed anymore. Yeah, they're all probably going to have difficulty dealing with the war ending, but it's more visceral for Ironhide.

(Though yes, when "winning the war" --> angst! ... one does suspect it's an Antepathy story... and that I'll enjoy it!)

[cai-ann.livejournal.com]

AWWW poor 'hide. What you went into here is a proplem that a lot of special op's and SAS soldiers have, when you've spent so long fighting whats left? I would love to see you continue this somehow. Thanks for a wonderful story